Unlock Your NeuroMom Toolbox
Learn to overcome even the gnarliest parenting challenge with confidence. Here’s the (sort of sticky 🍯) way it works…
If you keep at anything long enough, you’ll eventually amass a toolkit brimming over with strategies to vanquish almost any challenge. 🧰🔨
I was reminded of this recently when a searing pain began clawing its way through my abdomen that was like nothing I’d ever felt before.
Or, well, not quite…
After a couple of days, I realized that this gut-clenching ouch was one of the same I’d felt a decade ago when I was at my worst and trying to figure out my chronic illness.
I was happy to realize that I didn’t need medication or surgery to fix this (though at that point, I would’ve been happy to take either in exchange for relief). Instead, I remembered that there was a simple acupressure trick that would fix it in a snap.
As it turned out, I’d been-here-done-this before, and I already had what I needed to solve the problem.
And it’s the same for parenting your neurodivergent child.
Eventually, you experience just about every challenge autism, ADHD, or anxiety has to offer enough times that you create a toolbox for the difficulties you’re dealing with.
It’s like a rulebook for caring for your child.
The one you wish you would’ve been given at birth, but most certainly were not.
You hear an idea on a podcast…and it works!
Or you riff on a technique you picked up from your child’s therapist.
Or you try small, manageable changes every month inside a supportive community like the NeuroMom Nest.
And even on the hard days, you at least get a clearer picture of where the problems lie and what’s NOT working.
You keep whittling away at it, and many of those old issues stop showing up. But when they do, you face them with confidence — knowing you have just the tool for the job.
It’s like in Mary Poppins when the neighbor fires off a cannon at 6 pm every evening. Everyone mans their positions with minimal fuss.
These things are no longer a “problem” — they just are. And here’s how we accommodate them.
>> Check your watch.
>> Slide the piano back into place.
>> Right the grandfather clock.
Hold onto your tea cup (one pinky up!) without so much as a hiccup in the banter.
Over time, you develop a mental guide to your child.
Where before there was just confusion, frustration, and overwhelm (on both your parts), there becomes a mutual understanding, support, and more loving moments.
>> We use this hairbrush (the only one that doesn’t cause tears and tangles).
>> We skip the overstimulating electric toothbrush and opt for a manual.
>> We must get to bed before the fireworks start on the 4th of July.
And never ever imbibe cow’s milk, especially not on the second Tuesday in January. 😜
Yes, it might still feel unfair that you have to live in this very particular, sometimes rigid and restricted manner that’s different from everyone else you know.
But over time, you embrace it.
Because it works.
Makes life easier.
Better.
For you and your kids.
I now know to be flexible with our shower routine. (Some nights, for reasons I still don’t quite understand, it’s just too much.)
And even more flexible with the food we eat. (Eat whatever you like little ones, as long as there’s a protein and vegetable of some sort on your plate.)
Finally getting a peek at the answer key after years of constant struggle is a beautiful feeling, but it does take time and patience to develop this deep knowledge of your child.
To discover that writing out an agenda for unpredictable weekends and holidays helps diffuse so much anxiety and the accompanying irritability.
Same goes for posting a weekly schedule every Sunday.
It’s knowing that our kids can’t handle any screen-time at all, at least at this juncture, and their behavior is SO much better without it.
And even before that, I had a long list of strategies I could use if a meltdown would occur.
I knew that pulling out the ‘ol feelings wheel, setting it by either one of my children in distress, and leaving a dry-erase pen nearby would allow them to process their difficult emotions without ever having to speak a word.
Or I’d pull out a blank sheet of paper and a pencil for what they call “Mama Therapy.” The practice consists simply of giving them my quiet attention, cuddles if they want, and allowing them to illustrate their hurts, frustrations, and needs.
Or a PECS1 chart with all their most common needs on it.
Anything that would help clue me into how to support them, even when they couldn’t verbalize any of it to me.
They get their needs met, without the overstimulation and discomfort of the things that don’t work for them, and the challenging behaviors become fewer and farther between.
If you’re feeling lost in the dark forest of exhaustion, defeat, and unanswerable questions, it may seem hard to imagine now, but…
Eventually, many of your child’s struggles will no longer feel like a problem — because you’ll know how to address them.
Yes, it’s taken me 13 years and counting to figure out just these small solutions to make family life more manageable (and they’ll no doubt change as my kids continue to grow and develop).
So be patient with yourself if you don’t have all the answers yet.
I know I sure don’t!
But I can tell you this. One day, you’ll look back at these moments, the one that feels hopeless, the other one that you’re sure is impossible, and most definitely the one you just know deserves the Guinness World Record for parenting failures…
And you’ll realize all along you were learning.
Learning to listen to your child in a language far beyond words.
How to smooth out the jagged and wrinkly world for them.
How to soothe their 999 different triggers…one at an excruciatingly slow time.
All along, you weren’t failing.
The situation wasn’t totally hopeless.
You just couldn’t see the almost imperceptible, thin-as-spiderweb threads of growth along the way.
This is simply your training ground to become the very best parent.
The exact one your very special NueroKid needs.
Until that day when you’ll find yourself feeling a little more cool and confident, knowing you have (at least some of) the answers.
Even if your very punctual neighbor insists on rocking your house with cannon fire every afternoon (or if your kiddo’s behaviors just make you feel that way sometimes.) 😉
Until then, be gentle with yourself and remember that every hard day takes you one step closer.
With love,
Shannon Clark
The NeuroMama
PECS stands for Picture Exchange Communication System and can consist of pictures, symbols, photos, words, or a combination that allow an individual to communicate without speaking.